Death is around me.
Despair follows me like an unwanted child.
Never knowing where to go
Never finding its peace with the world around.
Death and despair make me sad and make me think the world is coming to an end.
They make me feel as if there is no point in aiming for dreams because nothing will come to its realisation.
Every time I feel I am taking a step forward, death and despair knock on my door and remind me it is not my choice to go forward but my fault if I fall back.
I feel useless among the brave.
I feel nothing at times, nothing but numbness.
Is numbness a feeling… or the absence of?
Then I look in the mirror and see something that makes me calm.
Even if it is only for a second…
I see the future.
The future of colours, of happiness of love, joy, compassion, unity.
I see the past too.
The ugliness of trauma, the pain of betrayal, the hurt of memories forgotten.
But in that moment I remember who I am
In that moment I can breathe.
In the moment I can be.