Panic
By Charlotte Nitschke
“No. You didn’t organise it”
My chest is already tightening
I can feel my brain rewiring.
I don’t think I can do it
I don’t understand why my body
Is going into fight or flight mode
And I freaking hate it
I can’t breathe
I can see the world
Around me spinning
And I can’t control this.
My legs are shaking
My mind is breaking
And I don’t know how much
Longer I can do this.
Nope, I’ve cracked.
I can’t breathe anymore.
I go to fill up my water
And beckon my teacher out too.
She comes out
I tell her I can’t do it
She sits me down
And tells me to breathe.
She tells me that my body
Is going into a panic response
But to take a deep breath
And to just think.
She talks me through what’s happening
She tells me to tell myself
That I’m not in any immediate danger
And that I am safe.
And for some reason,
There’s something about her
That my brain begins to know
That I am safe.
And I breathe again.
Maybe shallow
But I am intaking oxygen
Which means that I can finally function
Perhaps not to a
Great ability
But enough to actually
Blink and see clearly.
I sit on the floor
In the corner of the staff kitchen
And I breathe.
In for 4, out for 6.
I’m okay.
Thanks to the teacher
Who helped me through
My panic attack.

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