Naming it

I’m not sure when it started. Maybe when our family split

or when I lost the little girl from the first six years of my life.

I talk to myself. Every day. As if I’m the only one who hears

me.  It can be tricky at times, getting sprung chatting to air.

Some think I’m coming undone. I am highly strung but don’t

feel any looser. I speak when I need to talk things through,

analyse my feelings, recount an event like some introspective

therapist obsessed with her stuff. As if I need the rehearsal

before sharing for real, to pare it back, let the crazies out.

And I repeat myself, go over old ground like something needs

saving. You can do that with family and friends but they’d get

sick of you quickly, won’t call anymore, let alone visit so you

can revisit that thing they’re so over. Perhaps it’s all being

collected to be pressed in a diary for that younger me following.

There’s a name for it my husband tells me, kissing me quiet