I don’t really want to die

By A. C.

(trigger warning: self-harm)

 

I’m not suicidal, I don’t really want to die.  

Sometimes my head swirls and makes me want to cry  

The voices in my head, they can have the meanest thought  

But everyday I tell them off, a constant battle must be fought  

 

 

They sometimes get the best of me, I really cannot lie 

But through it all I tell myself, I don’t really want to die  

I close my eyes and sometimes, darkness is all I see  

The voices tell me I’m no good, I’m useless as can be  

 

 

At night I sometimes hear them, telling me it’s not ok  

That maybe I should give up and not see another day  

I tell them that they’re wrong, I do it to get by  

I remind myself of the good and, I don’t really want to die 

 

I say my life is good, it’s filled with such good stuff 

I tell them until they listen, even on the days it’s tough  

Even on the hard days, when tears swell in my eye,  

I tell them that I’m ok, I don’t really want to die  

 

Most days are good I know that, they’re as happy as can be  

I have so much joy and an amazing life ahead of me,  

So when my thoughts become so mean I simply ask them why,  

I tell them that they cannot win, I don’t really want to die  

 

And so I keep on fighting, every day until I’ve won, 

Until All the mean thoughts are gone, they’ve simply dwindled down to none. 

And Until that day, when they are mean I stand firm with my reply,  

‘go away’ mean thoughts, because I always know… I don’t really want to die  

 

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