Confidential

We sit and ruminate in our thoughts as they go round and around. J repeats his sermon
from last week, and the Monday before that. He tells tales of a former life.
About women and the dealer that robbed him of a future, mistakes made that no longer
blackmail him into submission.
He always wraps up with “the truth will set you free.” And It’s only now that I’m starting to
grow my wings.
S fidgets, legs quivering beneath the chair.
His stained tracksuit pants sit well below his hips.
He shares about his broken relationships
and how his sister’s, unwilling to forgive,
About his new medication
and how he finds it hard to get out of bed most days.
T curls in, defeated by a failing marriage and unfamiliar children His voice not strong
enough to carry weighted stories of betrayal, His apologies aired, never making it back to
them.
And now it’s my turn,
There’s many things I could say
Of how I’ve been away.
But all I can muster is my shortcomings.
How dishonesty must run in the blood
And how we are always ruined by the ones who should build us up. Vulnerability just
porcelain words
And I’m not ready to feel that fragile.
And the worst thing of it all is the pain I caused
I want you to feel it when I say all the ways
That I’m sorry.
Of how I don’t know how I even ended up here. Of how It took me almost losing you to
wake up. Do the work and make it right.
I dont know if it will ever be right.
Noone really talks about addiction in our spaces. In this room I’ve never been so honest.
And I’m not sure who’s even listening, but it’s
A relief to break
I’ll embrace exposure and perception But is there any other way to defeat This beautiful
beast.