A Typical Day

It was someone’s typical day. They would be getting up for work, making coffee and be in a mad rush to get somewhere on time. But it wasn’t a typical day for me. Today was the day where it ended. The pain in my chest, the demons in my head would forever be silenced. Living had become a chore. If you could really call it living. The days blurred into one, it was just one continuous loop. No happiness, no excitement, no enjoyment. Just a repeat of yesterday.

No one knew how I really felt and I was glad. I hate feeling like a burden or a special case. I don’t want people asking me if I am ok. Because, I wasnt ok and I definitely didn’t want to repeat that a thousand times. I definitely didnt want to hear, that it will get better. When will it get better? Its been years, actually most my life. And you know what? I wasn’t better.  I was just tired now, I was exhausted. I couldnt fight anymore, I was at the end of the line.

I left a note for my family, saying sorry that I wasn’t strong enough. And I hope they found the happiness that I couldn’t find. I tear ran down my cheek.

My mind was set, I was going to jump off the bridge. Jumping would set me free and I would find peace.

It was dark when I set out. The whiff of morning was in the air. Soon the magpies would sing their morning tune. Maybe I should wait for the sunrise, to wait to hear the tune one last time. But, I didn’t want to risk being seen. I just wanted to quietly go into the darkness.

The bridge was getting bigger, it was so close. I could almost touch it. My pace quickened until I reached the ledge. I could hear the water underneath me, almost welcoming me in. I could almost taste the water. This was it, I was ready to go.

Until I felt an arm around me. The arm pulled me away from the ledge. I was trying to scream let me go but no words came out.

The person who grabbed me, stared at me. Not sure on what to say. I didn’t have the words to say anything either. All I wanted was the pain to stop.

” I was you, not too long ago. I hated life. Somedays I still do. But, I also love it. Love the smell of the air, the water on my skin  and the love I get from the people in it” the person who rescued me reflected.

” But I can’t handle this anymore” I whispered.

The person stared at me with sadness and compassion in their eyes.

“I don’t know you but, I thought I couldn’t handle it either. I wanted it to end. Now, I am glad I didn’t end it because if I did, I wouldn’t be here to rescue you” they replied.

” I didn’t want rescuing” I cried.

” Maybe, not now but hopefully one day you will be glad. Maybe, one day you will be me and help someone else. In that moment, you will realize that you have something to give to someone. You have a purpose, you are needed”

Those words hit me like a wave, they wrapped around me. I knew now what I needed to do, I needed to get help.

It wasn’t a typical day but I am glad it wasn’t my last.